Originally written in 2006

I would like parents to think about what it means to you to send your child to a selective college and what that means to your child (yes, even those of you with little ones; we all dream about the future). I would also like to suggest that attitudes about "appropriate" college choices are bound in family and peer culture. Bucking that culture requires a lot of work from infancy on and the college application process is a little late to try and go against the tide. Is an ivy-league destination your goal for your child? How will you feel if they either don't want that or can't achieve it? How will you handle your child's disappointment if they don't get into the school of their dreams? It wasn't long ago that homeschoolers miraculously got scholarships to elite schools because they brought "diversity" to the student body, but those days are over. Elite schools want our kids, but only after we've proven that they fit the school's mold. In an age that values standardization our square pegs must be shoved into round holes.

Perhaps if your child's peer group and/or family culture points to disappointment with anything less than a selective school, then testing and preparation appropriate to that track from an early age is called for. At my house we don't have that worry: Maggie and Elsa come from a long line of state unversity alumni who have done quite well without ivy league pedigrees, we didn't start homeschooling with an ivy league dream, and their peers haven't been ivy-bound (although a handful have gone to ivy league schools). I'm hoping that we can find the schools that will want them so that the girls are being pursued instead of being the pursuer. I'm looking forward to interviews because the openness and excitement for opportunity that comes from our kids isn't communicated in paperwork. Everyone is amazed at the level of conversation my kids engage in, but they don't have anything resembling a transcript. It would be fraud for me to try and pigeon hole what we've been doing into arbitrary classes and grades. Their MCC work will have to demonstrate their performance potential. If this means that the pool of colleges that are interested is limited, Kurt and I are OK with that. It has been worth the trade for our family, and ultimately I think my kids will agree.

Although some kids may be great test takers, I feel that in the current environment SATs and SAT IIs require lots of preparation. Maggie is taking the SAT because prior homeschoolers have found that it is required at schools she may apply to, and a lot of scholarship aid is tied to the SAT. So we are paying a tutor to help level the playing field for her. (I didn't know there were strategies for the SAT. I took two practice tests and showed up on the test day with a hangover. This was back when our farmtown teachers told us the tests were designed so that studying wouldn't give you an advantage!) I will strongly discourage Maggie from taking SAT IIs, especially if they are only required of homeschoolers.

Every college has its list of homeschooler horror stories. There is some prejudice out there that our kids are over-protected, hyper-achieving, socially delayed ultra nerds with overprotective, hovercraft, meddling, pathologically-attached moms. Let's keep those diplomat hats on and give them a different picture. Unschooling means that college choices are just one part of a long life of learning, don't let the anyone (including US News & World Report) tell you otherwise. It would be a shame to let those relatives win in the end after all those years of standing tough ("Yes, I'm certain she will use the potty/ wean/ read/ do some algebra someday.") Where our kids go to college is not our final grade as parents. Our relationship with our kids, their ability to realistically determine and satisfy their own needs, and our ability to grow beyond being homeschooling parents is my measure of success.

From 2008

Before my daughters began menstruating they would sweetly talk about how they would help me make pads for them to use when it was their turn. I even set aside some especially soft fabric for just that purpose. Of course, when they did begin menstruating they wanted nothing to do with cloth pads, and may still want nothing to do with them. However, as one friend shared with me a number of years ago, it can be surprising how many of our parents' ideas and values come to seem more comfortable and useful when we have families of our own. My friend talked about how she found herself craving the orderly home of her childhood, and was seeing freshly how important that was to her now, though it had seemed silly when she was young.

When I first started using cloth it was after I used cloth diapers for my babies. I figured if I could handle washing diapers I could handle washing pads. When I mentioned this to my mom, she was utterly repulsed. She talked about how wonderful it was for women to gain the option of disposable pads. How hard it was in the days before washers and dryers to "hide" the fact that you were menstruating, and that in the abject poverty of my grandmother's youth, using "rags" for menstrual protection didn't communicate value to the womanly body or processes. She really spat these words at me.

So I've approached cloth pads from the joy of having a choice. I think about my mom and my grandmother and how they saw this monthly process in the time before disposables and how grateful I am to be able to celebrate this part of myself, instead of trying to hide. Economically it makes a lot of sense to use cloth. I am recycling clothes and fabric that can no longer be used for their original purpose. I am honoring my plants with the ultimate fertilizer when I water then with the soaking water. But I can also use disposables when I feel the need to. And I have a washer and a dryer and lots of clean water.

When my daughters are in a place in their lives where cloth makes more sense to them, they will have grown up in a world where cloth was a choice, not a burden. I believe they'll be amused at how what once seemed so "gross" will seem matter-of-fact after caring for babies or elderly relatives, or after working in food service jobs (or, in my case, it was working on a dairy farm that got me comfortable with all sorts of waste).

So carry on! I have faith that some of the things they protest the hardiest will come back to them someday.

Originally published in Allens Creek Living, June 2015

The absolute foundation of good health is good food. In Rochester we benefit from having one of the finest grocery chains in the country, but I prefer going to the source of our good food when I can: to the farmers themselves.

Now that we are in June, the local outdoor farmer’s markets will be in full swing. As a lifelong Rochester resident I have watched CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture) form and town markets spring up. I belong to a CSA, but I also go to the market every week. Today most of the local towns have their own farmer’s markets, and Brighton’s is my favorite.

Through the summer months the Brighton Farmer’s Market (http://www.brightonfarmersmarket.org/)  is held in the Brighton High School parking lot, 1150 Winton Road South, Rochester 14618. Going to any farmer’s market can be a quick run to pick up eggs and salad greens, or it can be a leisurely morning stroll with a cup of coffee and breakfast bought from a vendor.

What I enjoy most is talking to the farmers themselves. All of the farmers at the Brighton Market are from the greater Rochester area and sell locally grown produce and meats. While I enjoy the hubbub of the Rochester Public Market, you need to be very careful not to end up with produce or other food grown in mysterious ways in faraway places. By talking with the vendors at the Brighton Farmer’s Market, you can know exactly how their products are grown, harvested and prepared for sale.

Perhaps you have seen the first episode of the television show Portlandia? In a satire of foodies, two characters go out to dinner, attempt to order chicken and then drive out to the farm to meet the farmer before they will eat their meal. While I don’t want to know the name of the chicken, turkey or pig I am buying to feed my family, I do want to know the farmer.

A farmer can tell me exactly what was used to fertilize the soil the plants grow in and how she manages common pests. He can tell me about what the animals are fed and how they are slaughtered and processed. And the farmers usually have some great cooking tips, too. Farmers are interesting people; they are choosing a lifestyle that is rare today, but used to be the way the majority of us lived.

I like knowing that my food didn’t have to travel far to get to me (saving fossil fuels), is very fresh (usually picked within the last 24 hours) and is allowing open farmland to continue beautifying our gorgeous Finger Lakes area. Oh, and eating with the season is good for me, too. Enjoy the bounty!